i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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