Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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