I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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