so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
