your parents love me but you hate me
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
