Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I skipped work to stalk him.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
