Too much gin, very little bucket
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
