We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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