I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize