I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
