Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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