Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
