The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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