Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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