and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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