I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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