Buhtt sex?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
