i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I've blown a few things in my day
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
