you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
