i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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