hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
