I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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