She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Let's get the cat blown out
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
