just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
