fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
