you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
