I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
