his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
