hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
