omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
well you can't waste a boner
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Randomize
