I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
