The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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