Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Randomize
