i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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