Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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