So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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