so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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