I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
