swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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