Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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