I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Randomize
