How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
