Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
