I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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