yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
