OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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