the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Who died my cat blue again?
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