I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You left your phone here
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