he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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