Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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