just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
