Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
