all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
