sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
