I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
