mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My balls are so social today.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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