Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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