I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
