Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
