he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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