drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I woke up under a house in Key West
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