listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
