I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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