That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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