Who wears a wallet chain?!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
