So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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