Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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