Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize