I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
