I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Who died my cat blue again?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
