At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
