He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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