I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
