you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
