the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize