Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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